i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm passing your future prison.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
