My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
