neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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