He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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