I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
