thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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