She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
