I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm both gender and math confused
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
