I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
COCAINE IS GR8
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
