girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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