I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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