Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
