i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
