Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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