you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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