Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
