this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
