Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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