So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
