Dual....:-)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
