You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
