her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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