sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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