we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
