hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
