i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
