3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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