Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
