I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
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