So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
