i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
