it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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