Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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