He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
