the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
