This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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