I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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