hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
