i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
