They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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