Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
