There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
