My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
