Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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