you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
