there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
