I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
