I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
