Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
