You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
