it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
