you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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