ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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