i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
